Your Guide to Not Getting Murdered in a Quaint English Village (Hardcover)

Product Description NATIONAL BESTSELLER • Considering a trip to a quaint English village? You’ll think twice after learning about the countless murderous possibilities lurking behind the bucolic façades, thanks to this illustrated guide from #1 bestselling author Maureen Johnson and illustrator Jay Cooper—perfect for fans of cozy mysteries.A weekend roaming narrow old lanes, touring the faded glories of a country manor, and quaffing pints in the pub. How charming. That is, unless you have the misfortune of finding yourself in an English Murder Village, where danger lurks around each picturesque cobblestone corner and every sip of tea may be your last. If you insist on your travels, do yourself a favor and bring a copy of this little book. It may just keep you alive. Brought to life with dozens of Gorey-esque drawings by illustrator Jay Cooper and peppered with allusions to classic crime series and unmistakably British murder lore, Your Guide to Not Getting Murdered in a Quaint English Village gives you the tools you need to avoid the same fate, should you find yourself in a suspiciously cozy English village (or simply dream of going). Good luck! And whatever you do, avoid the vicar. About the Author Maureen Johnson is the #1 New York Times and USA Today bestselling author of many young adult novels, including the very murderous Shades of London series and the Stevie Bell mysteries: Truly Devious, The Vanishing Stair, The Hand on the Wall, and The Box in the Woods. She has also done collaborative works, such as Let It Snow with John Green and Lauren Myracle (now a movie on Netflix), and several books in the Shadowhunter universe with Cassandra Clare. Her books have been translated into more than thirty-five languages. For safety’s sake, she lives in New York City; the vicar cannot reach her there.Jay Cooper’s books don’t normally include grisly murders, nefarious deeds, or corpses of any kind. He has written and/or illustrated more than twenty books for kids, including The Spy Next Door, The Pepper Party, and the Bots series, and has contributed work to the New York Times bestselling series The Last Kids on Earth. Currently he is illustrating a graphic novel entitled Super Atomic Wombat Girl. He’s also a graphic designer of theatrical advertising, and has worked on more than a hundred Broadway musicals and plays (which have heaps of deaths). Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved. A Note to the Gentle ReaderIt’s happened. You’ve finally taken that dream trip to England. You have seen Big Ben, Buckingham Palace, and Hyde Park. You have ridden in one of London’s famous black cabs and encountered the Beef-eaters at the Tower of London and the ravens under their care. You have taken the Jack the Ripper tour and walked those bloody footsteps in East London. This should be enough for anyone—but, perhaps, not enough for you. You’ve decided to leave the hustle and bustle of the city to stretch your legs in the bucolic countryside of these green and pleasant lands. You’ve read the books and watched the shows. You know what to expect: You’ll drink a pint in the sunny courtyard of a local pub. You’ll wander down charming alleyways between stone cottages. Residents will tip their flatcaps at you as they bicycle along cobblestone streets. It will be idyllic. The author respectfully suggests you put aside these fantasies. It is possible that you will find yourself in a placid and tedious little corner of England; it is just as possible that you will end up in an English Murder Village. You will not know you are in a Murder Village, as they look like all other villages. When you arrive in Shrimpling or Pickles-in-the-Woods or Wombat-on-Sea or wherever it is, there will be no immediate signs of danger. This is exactly the problem. You are already in the trap. My advice: Stick to urban areas. Do not go to the countryside. Dispose of this book, and continue on with your life. If you still insist on pursu